I am a survivor.
After a traumatic childhood in an alcoholic family, I entered into my adolescence with
deep sadness and heavy resentment.
I had my first psychiatric hospitalization when I was 15 due to suicidal thoughts, and I
was already a self-injuring “cutter” by that time. My parents and I had continuous
friction in which they became abusive and overly restrictive, so I chose to live in a
group home right before I turned 16. I got my own place when I was 19, but
unbeknownst to myself — I had already cultivated very unhealthy relationship patterns.
As a co-dependent, I was subconsciously attracted to and comfortable with the
same patterns of dysfunction that became so familiar in my family of origin. This
generally meant someone who was active in an addiction, narcissistic and selfserving
in nature.
These partners would abuse me while draining me of my energy and finances, while I
was focused on taking care of them in every aspect. An inside view into those
relationships revealed my so-called “partners” inflicting a host of abuses on me —
including everything from “gaslighting” me, to breaking my nose and fracturing my jaw.
My life was riddled with abandonment and loneliness.
As I navigated these fruitless relationships in search of validation that wasn’t available, I
became more and more devastated. With desperation I felt like I had tried so very hard
to be happy.
Of course this was before I realized that most of my difficulties were actually a
“set up” from the conditioning in my formative years.
By the time I was 23 and Christmas of 2008 came, I had reached the end of my rope. I
ingested a heavy dose of several prescription medications. In face, I had consumed
just one of these many medications, in enough quantity to kill six people.
As my dad arrived with me to the ER, I died that night. It is by the grace of God
that upon their third attempt of resuscitation — they were successful.
I still went on to navigate some disturbing situations, the following year. By the time
2009 came to an end I had been held hostage and a supposed “friend” of mine had
attempted to rape me. In between all of that were some random, sporadic jail trips and
drug use.
Then I married my alcoholic husband with whom I had two children in 2010. Within a
couple of months of marriage, I was pregnant, yet I also began recognizing his
symptoms more and more.
I endured him choking me, telling me he was going to kill me, watching me through
windows without my knowing he was there, and abandoning both me and our first
born, over and over again.
Gratefully, by the birth of our second child, I had discovered Al-Anon and had
embarked upon a very different path for myself. As I gradually took in all that Al-Anon
had to teach me, I became stronger and resolute in not wanting to continue my
Shortly after the birth of my second child, my sister and only sibling died unexpectedly
in a car accident, which resulted in the death of her significant other as well. This left
my niece and nephew orphaned.
In 2016, I found a new job opportunity that was very exciting and a step up for me in
career advancement. Not long after moving to be closer to that job, my new boyfriend
moved in with me and my kids.
As we began to escalate in an argument, he pulled a gun and shot me 6 times in
front of my children, who were 2 and 6 at the time. One of those bullets passed
between my heart and my lung — somehow missing them both — and that bullet
still sits in my sternum.
In an attempt to aid and support my kids and my healing, I moved us to a new location
about a year later. This is where I found the ARCS program, in the Fall of 2019.
I glanced at the ad a couple of times, just looking at it and thinking about it — but a
short time before I had already taken an interest in life coaching. After a couple of
months of consideration and a few synchronicities later, I became certain in my
decision to join.
Now, a year later, I am still learning so much! It has been mind-blowing in moments,
revelational in others and just profound in general. It has given me the ability and the
tools to move forward differently.
ARCS really is life-changing.
The love, support and understanding of those around you is a priceless gift; the online
class environment bears the gift of allowing all of those who enter a chance to start
releasing what they have been dragging.
By no choice or fault of our own, we get conditioned and become practiced in patterns
that create layers of who everyone else has always told us we are “supposed” to be
and how everyone else has always told us we are “supposed” to be — as a means of
pleasing themselves.
Once you start learning the nature of childhood and social conditioning, along with the
depths of how trauma literally alters your DNA — which results in a list of common
symptoms, most of which I have suffered — this information starts to shatter the
illusion that we’ve all been “force fed” our entire lives.
ARCS has given me tools, to help me heal and grow.
• It has given me a place to find comfort.
• It has given me love and support.
• It has given me new ways of thinking, evaluating and looking at things.
Most of all, ARCS is helping to teach me who I really am and what I’m really capable of.
It’s a beautiful experience to witness and participate in.
There is no replacement for the words “me too” and nothing better than sharing
life experiences with those who can identify by those words.
I love being part of the program and witnessing the healing in others, while I experience
my own healing. I love how powerful it is for all of us to join together in our online
classes. I am beyond blessed to be part of ARCS, and I can’t wait to see what else the
program has in store for me.